The beginning...

I'm sitting in front of a computer over ten thousand kilometers and across 15 time zones from Vancouver. And I feel so very far away from home. The night before I flew out of Vancouver, after everyone had left my house and I had finished packing, I stopped and looked around. I realized i'm not going to see this place for the next 6-12 months. The apprehension i had been feeling for the past several days suddenly left my brain and was instantly replaced by what I can only broadly define as fear.

Its hard to explain. Its not the same feeling as standing on the edge of a bridge preparing to bungee jump, that was more exhilaration. Its not the same feeling as choking 40 ft underwater in less than 5 ft visibility, that was more panic reflex. Its not the same feeling as free falling backwards 30 ft because i couldn't make the next clip in the climbing gym, that was more physical exhaustion. No this feeling was different.

I have thought about it over the last several days in HK. What was this feeling? Why is my heart beating so fast? Why am I suddenly so emotional over everything that reminds me of my family and friends? The conclusion should not have been such a surprise to me. Its the fear of change, the fear of leaving home, the fear of being completely alone.

There is no one here to take care of me if i'm sick. There is no one here to talk to me if I'm sad. There is no one here to take me to the hospital if I'm dying. There only is me.

I realize that this is what I've wanted for a long time. This is the moment that I've waited for since I entered university. The sudden change. The life altering event that messes with your perception of reality. I have torn myself away from everything that I knew and loved for the advancement of my personal self. I have always told other that i'm the type of person that does not know what he has until its gone. It is now that i'm beginning to understand the gravity of that statement. Its not trading what you had for something better, its treasuring the moments we all have together and living them in the moment to their fullest.

I will be leaving HK for Bangkok this coming Tuesday. That will be my first true test independence. Goodbye HK sulfur filled smog, hello Bangkok lead filled smog!


PS

This is the blog is probably the easiest way to contact me so please visit often and leave comments or email me (BKinASIA@hotmail.com). I will update this blog as often as possible (this is both my personal journal and means of communication back home).